A few months ago, I attended a three-day Islamic conference on the Islamic jurisprudence of marriage or fiqh. All praise to Allah, it was a beneficiary and a very enlightening tertiary-level course on Islamic weddings in Ramadan. It was taught by one of the most respected and honorable Islamic leaders of our time.
Accordingly, can a Muslim get married in Ramadan? Theologically there is nothing wrong with performing nikah (marriage) in the month of Ramadan or any other month. There is nothing in Islam to suggest that marriage is forbidden during this month. People tend to avoid it for convenience and logistical reasons. In a world where lavish and show off in marriages is common, Ramadan presents numerous logistical issues.
Marriage can be conducted during the month of Ramadan, unlike the days of Hajj. However, when fasting during the month of Ramadan, you must avoid driving, eating and intercourse from dawn till sunset. If you can exercise caution during the fast, there is no harm in doing something that you are sure it will not break the fast, there is nothing wrong with getting married in the month of Ramadan.
However, some newlyweds cannot be patient and there is the fear that they may engage in forbidden deeds (intercourse during the fast) and they may break the law.
If you have doubts that you may not be able to observe the rules of Ramadan, you’re advised to delay the marriage until just after Ramadan. Constantly engaging yourself with worship, praying qiyaam, reading the Quran and other acts of worshiping during this month will help speed things up for you.
Ramadan provides you with a very good experience. Fasting makes everything else so insignificant. Weddings during Ramadan highlight the importance of family, marriage and human life- these are the most essential things in the world.
Everything else means nothing really. During other months of the year, you get carried away with worldly things like cars, houses and other fancy acquisitions. However, marriage during Ramadan helps highlight the importance of love, patience and family.
Fasting is foundational and “brings you right to the ground”. This exemplary religious arrangement will ensure that your union is free from arguing by establishing a real connection. You begin the fasting together, engage in a holy marriage during this period and break the fasting together. It will ensure that your marriage nurtures the ability to grow together and exercise self-control at all times.
Ramadan is a month that highlights three core dimensions for family interactions- control, inclusion and Intimacy, which constitute an optimal priority sequence for leading and managing stress in marriage.
Having a marriage during Ramadan ensures the inclusion of all family members, enhances structured control as well as predictability of the consistent rituals that add stability which in turn reduce chaos therefore resulting in closeness, unity and intimacy between newlyweds.
Newlyweds in Ramadan: Is Everything under Control?
As a young Muslim, you typically spend the month of Ramadan either in a dorm on college campus, or at your parent’s home, or living as a working professional in your own house.
Passing Ramadan is always easy and typically follows a strict structured schedule involving your personal commitments and activities. These activities are centered on your personalized goals of worship, family time, studies and leisure.
Single life is predictable and very easy to schedule, with the biggest challenge being unfortunate instances of academic exams or greater job workload coinciding with the onset of Ramadan fasting. However, marrying during this month requires discipline and a bit of “growing up”.
You have work to do and commitments towards Allah to meet, in lieu of the duties and responsibilities that He has bestowed upon you concerning the new, and most probably, the most important connection in your life.
What is allowed between husband and wife in Ramadan?
The commencement of actual marriage life will quickly throw the practicality of reality in your face. During Ramadan, you must realize that you need to make more sacrifices in order to spend it fruitfully. As married Muslim couple, it is prohibited for a husband and wife to engage in sexual intercourse during the holy month of Ramadan. You only have the nights to satisfy your sexual desires and are typically short during the summer months.
However, most Muslim men, old and young, typically pray nightly tarawih prayers at the nearest masjid during the holly month, and coming home late afterwards. Nightly routine, in conjunction to the requirement for all Muslim to wake up much earlier at night in to get ready for and partake from the suhoor meal before dawn, shortens the time at night that you as a newly married couple can be sexually intimate in.
It is not surprising then that Ramadan makes it more challenging for you to be sexually intimate, because the preparation of the iftar and suhoor meals requires most new wives to spend more time in the kitchen preparing meals.
The time after iftar tends to fly, because it is spent in eating the first main meal of the day after breaking the fast, it is then followed by the maghrib prayer, and then getting ready for the masjid meant for congregational tarawih prayers.
If you’re living with your family as a couple, you won’t be able to violate the rules of Ramadan. However, if you reside in a separate home, you can utilize the time between maghrib and isha to satisfy your desires before making ghusl together and then going off to the masjid for the tarawih.
The other two moments during the month of Ramadan that newlyweds can exploit to be sexually intimate are right after partaking from the early suhoor and after coming from tarawih at the masjid.
One essential point for all Muslims planning to marry during the holy month of Ramadan is to remember that they can commence a Ramadan fast in a state of sexual impurity, so long as they take part in ghusl- an act of taking bath after sexual intercourse after the time for Fajr prayer commences and continue to engage in Fajr salah within its time.
One main thing that wives have to realize and take into consideration is that engaging in sexual intercourse consumes a man’s physical strength and energy, whereas women are normally physically unaffected by it.
Consequently you should let your husband choose the frequency and time for intercourse during Ramadan, even if the desires remain somewhat unsatisfied. This will ensure that your husband can fast with ease without getting extra tired and drained.
It is essential to note that there’s nothing wrong for couples to share a bed while both of them are fasting. If you have no fear of being carried away by your desires to invalidate your fast. However, you may not kiss during your fast.
During this month, you can be caught up with things around you, and sometimes you just tend to lose sight of the good things after your marriage. The period should be a month that helps you remember what’s most significant in your life- your family.
The time should provide enough time to strengthen your relationship as newlyweds. Love, support, kindness, encouragement and most importantly, acceptance should be at the pivot of your relationship.
Final thoughts
In conclusion, according to Islamic jurisprudence, there’s no objection in having a marriage in Ramadan. As mentioned, the basic principle is that any action is permissible unless there are declarations in the Quran and the sunnah to suggest otherwise or there is a consensus among the religious leaders against it.
Always remember that, during the period of Ramadan fasting begins from dawn to sundown. During this time you must refrain from eating, drinking and engaging in sexual activity.
